Perspective

The other night was a typical, crazy evening going from one thing to the next. I was tired, frazzled and grouchy, but trying hard to get everything done and still stay a sane mama, one deep breath at at time. We had just arrived at Dallin's first baseball game of the season. I parked the van on the side of the busy street and proceeded to unload the kids. I noticed that Jake's diaper was about one ounce away from a major soak-through, so I instructed the other three to stay by the driver's door so I could hurry and change him. I specifically remember saying, "Abby, stand there and don't move." Then I turned my back.

A minute later I was aware of a car going by way too fast. I glanced up to make sure Abby was still standing by my side. She was gone.

I looked across the street and saw Jason carrying her, walking toward me, shaking his head. He was meeting us there and Abby had run to meet him as soon as she had seen him approaching.

"She ran right out in front of that car! It's a miracle she wasn't hit! Why weren't you watching her?" Jason was upset with me, and he had every right to be. I tried to explain to him that I don't have enough hands, that I was trying my hardest, that I told her to stand there, all the reasons that were completely true, but could never justify the life of our child.

"You need to watch her better!"

"I know. I know."

All I could think was, "She could have been killed. It would have been my fault. She could have been killed."  All the emotions of the crazy day and the reality of what almost just happened overwhelmed me. I loaded Jake back into his car seat and told Jason to take Luke and Abby to watch the game. I felt bad missing Dallin's game, but I was too shaken to try to put on a happy face and sit/wrestle Jake for the next hour and a half.

As I drove home through my tears, I prayed. I'm trying my hardest to be a good mom, to meet everyone's needs and be in every place I need to be, but sometimes it's just not enough. I can't do it all. It's too much. Four kids, four hundred places to be, I'm constantly being pulled in so many different directions. If I work hard at one thing, everything else suffers. There just isn't enough of me to go around. I can't do it all. What am I supposed to do?

Later, I opened the April issue of the Ensign to Elder Bednar's article, The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality. It focuses on the power of grace and how Christ literally gives us his enabling power to do and to be more than we could ever be on our own. I could practically hear the answers to my prayers as I read.

"Because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life. He can reach out, touch, succor—literally run to us—and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying upon only our own power."

She might have been killed. But she wasn't.

I can't do it all. You don't have to.

What am I supposed to do? Just what you can.

I'm so grateful for the knowledge I have that I only have to do my best. It may not be perfect, or anywhere near, but as long as I am doing my best I can rely on the Savior to make up the difference. I know bad things will still happen. I know life will be hard. I'm just grateful that this time, my daughter was protected and I have the opportunity to start fresh and focus on what matters most.

Happy B-Day to Me

I turned 35 a few weeks ago. To be honest, I have dreaded this birthday for 35 years. But now that it has come and gone, I have to wonder, what was I so worried about? 35 is great! I feel like a spring chicken. Young, full of life and possibility... not nearly as geriatric as I had imagined. So I've decided not to hide my age. Who really cares if younger people think I'm old? They are always going to be younger than me, just sitting in the background, getting older themselves at the same time they are judging me for being old. There are just as many people who are older and recognize my youth and vitality for what it is (almost gone, but not quite). I've still got a few good years left in me. I'll take what I can get. 

I had a great birthday, minus the fact that our trampoline blew away at 8 am on my birthday morn. I just have to count it as a birthday present because now I don't have to move the thing every time I mow the lawn. Truly, I'm sad it's gone, but I listed it for free on ksl.com and had about 20 phone calls in 30 minutes from people who wanted a free, ruined trampoline. I think that is as popular as I have ever been in my life, so happy birthday to me. I kept taking phone calls long after it was committed to a happy individual because I was having so much fun answering the phone. Okay, so maybe being 35 is a little depressing if that's my idea of a good time these days.

You may remember that my brother Ryan and I are the same age for one day. Every year we pose proudly with a sign that tells our age on my birthday. Now we include our posterity, so here we are with my four and his three. I think they are about as nutty as a group of kids can be. 

All I really wanted for my birthday was a break from cooking dinner for one night, so we went to one of my favorite places, Blue Lemon.

The traditional family birthday picture. I think we were a little more energetic than the old Blue Lemon was used to. Oh well, we had fun.

I always tell myself I am going to try something new but I change my mind at the last second and order my favorite, the Pear and Gorgonzola Spinach Salad. When it arrives at the table, I think, wow, this could feed a family of five. I'm definitely taking some home this time. Ten minutes later, as I finish the last bite and scrape the dressing off the plate with my fork, I think, wow, that was good.

Jason hooked me up with some fabulous presents this year, as always. He took me out to lunch and then to Runner's Corner in Orem and waited patiently for me to get fitted with new running shoes by my new favorite person, Hawk. I knew Hawk would be my new favorite person just by his name, and I was not disappointed. I felt like I got a personal training session along with the perfect pair of shoes. I also got some new running clothes, a few dance games for the Wii, and the immersion blender I have wanted since the beginning of time. Yes!

Good bye, my fair friend. Next time, we won't take the weights off your legs one week before a large wind storm. We promise.

Dallin Gets His Woof/The Family Bat Who Wasn't Really a Bat

I hate to admit it, but I've never been too excited about Scouts. When Dallin turned eight I think it was the thing I dreaded most. It was fun to go down to the Scout office and get his little outfit and book, but I don't think he or I touched it for months. He went to activities and we all went to Pack Meeting (occasionally), but my heart just wasn't in it. Man that year went fast! Suddenly, it was almost time for him to graduate to Bears and he wasn't even close to being an official Wolf (or "Woof" as his Scout leader called it, and I am 100% not joking about that). So we busted our little behinds and got his dang Woof requirements completed right before his birthday. Maybe a few days after. Anyway, he was due to get his award, but because of a vacation and the Blue & Gold banquet, he was finally going to get it during the March episode of Pack Meeting.

Enter one of the biggest moral dilemmas of my mothering career. Pack Meeting is normally on a Tuesday. Or a Wednesday. I can never really remember which one, it is just definitely never on a Thursday. Especially not Thursday, March 22, the opening night of Hunger Games, for which my friends and I have had tickets for months and planned an epic Girls' Night Out. I realized the conflict the night before, and it was a huge conflict in my heart as well. Dallin was looking so forward to getting his award. I was looking so forward to my GNO. Dallin could get his award in April. I could see the Hunger Games later, by myself, lonely, cold and afraid. But my son... my little son must be my priority. So I forfeited my ticket and went to Pack Meeting. I was weeping in my heart on the way over, when Dallin said, "Mom, I woke up this morning and thought this was going to be a bad day. But then I remembered I was getting my award tonight, and I knew it would be a good day." So, that made it all worth it right there. That, and the joyful fellow who is peeking over my shoulder in the pictures. Seriously, how can Scouts not be fun with leaders like that?  

See him back there?

He's still there!

Ah, my little Woof. Maybe we will get started on the Bear now so we can choose a night to get the award that does not correspond with the opening of a major must-see teenage movie. Sheesh.

Now on to the Family Bat. If you know me very well, you know I love bats. It all started in the second grade when I found a bat hanging under the window of my second grade class. My teacher captured the bat in a jar and turned it into the Class Pet. I was kind of a nobody back then, if you can imagine that (ha), and I was suddenly catapulted to second grade stardom, all thanks to a furry little flying creature. For this I have always been grateful to bats and felt somewhat indebted to them.

Not to make this the Longest Post Ever or anything, but I decided years ago that if I was ever faced with the decision of which animal to be, I would definitely be a bat. Specifically, a fruit bat. Think of the benefits. A mammal, who can fly. They mate for life. Care for their young. Eat fruit, for crying out loud. How great would that life be? Okay, so it's basically my life right now, except for the flying part, but I really think being able to fly would enhance my life in so many ways. Anyway.

You can imagine my joy last week when Jason and Luke reported that we had a bat living under our deck! Our very own bat, or Family Bat, as it came to be known. They had seen the Family Bat a few times when they suddenly turned on the light and opened the door. I didn't really believe it because it was just too good to be true, but then one night I snuck down with Luke and flung the door open and turned on the light and there he was! The Family Bat! Flapping around, darting this way and that, a definite bat of our own!

I tried to get a few pictures, but he was too fast, or maybe I was too slow. It didn't matter. We all knew the Family Bat was there.

Until tonight. Luke and I performed our nightly ritual of sneaking down to see the Family Bat, me with camera in hand and hope in my heart. Except something was amiss. We flung open the door, but instead of flying, he was sitting (hey... bats don't sit! they hang...). And he didn't move. He let me capture the following shot on my camera, before taking off and floating and flitting this way and that, just like a bat. The bat that he was not.

I mean, if I wanted a Family Bird I would go buy one! You can't buy bats. They are not for sale, or believe me, I would be raising a little batch of them right now. Bats are meant to be free, living under porches and making people's dreams come true. Not just sitting there and impersonating more worthy and inspiring creatures. So it is with a heavy heart that I admit I don't really have a Family Bat, even though he will always live on in my soul.

Recent Goings On

I like this time of year. Kind of busy, kind of not. No pressure to really do anything except be ourselves. Everyone is looking forward to spring, winter is hopefully on its way out. A few recent goings-on: The boys finished up their basketball season. Jason played in the Lehi Alumni Basketball Tournament (and won!), the kids took a bath in their swimming suits, and Jake found love. Pretty exciting stuff! Here are the pictures to prove it:

Dallin LOVES basketball! He is pure joy to watch. He has the confidence I could only dream of as a youth. Never afraid to take a shot, never afraid to try his best. He missed several shots in a row in his last game, but that didn't stop him from shooting and eventually making nine baskets. He also passed the ball a time or two! I was a proud mama.

This was Luke's first year playing Jr. Jazz, and to be honest, I didn't expect much. Luke has never really showed a lot of interest in sports. Well, he surprised us all! It probably helped that he was a head taller than most of the kids he played with, but he really went for it and did amazingly well! In his last game he made a total of 5 baskets. He considered them all 3 pointers because they were more than 3 steps from the basket. Sometimes Grandpa Yates gives the boys a dollar for each basket they make. Luke somehow calculated that he had earned $21. When Dallin informed him that he got a dollar per basket, not per (fictitious) point, Luke said he wouldn't have even shot the ball if he had known. When I asked him if he was just in it for the money, he looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Well, yeah!" I guess maybe we have a little work ahead of us in the Luke Sports Department.

Jason had the chance to reunite with his high school basketball team for the annual Lehi Alumni Tournament last week. That is a week of fun and soreness, let me tell you! Still, I think it's pretty cool that so many of his friends and teammates are still around and they play together so well after all these years.

Jason is #2, under the basket. His team won the championship through a  lot of blood, sweat and tears. I was just glad he didn't suffer any long-term injuries! 1997 was a long time ago, but they held their own. Especially when they were playing the little pencil-necked whippersnappers of 2012. Kids these days are so young! And agile.

What could be more fun that getting your swimming suit on and taking a bath with 3 other people? Not much, according to these weirdos. We're all about cheap entertainment in these parts. And counting down the days til summer!

Lukie Dukie, my little 6-year-old snaggle tooth. He has grown up so much this year. I can't believe he is almost finished with kindergarten! He's practically a man now.

Little Crazy Man Jake is completely smitten with our cute little neighbor. I baby-sat her for a few hours last week and he followed her around the house making kissing noises, "Mm-wah! Mm-wah!" I am totally fine with the two of them getting married in the future. In fact, I hope they do. The older my kids get, the more I am in favor of arranged marriages, especially if I get to do the arranging. I will pick their future spouses based on how fun their future in-laws will be for me to hang out with. In this case, Jake and I will both luck out.

Jake is truly the craziest child I have ever met. Jason and I have devised a test that is a fairly accurate prediction of his behavior in any given situation. It is called "What Would a Raccoon Do?" or WWRD for short. Just think about a raccoon and an open bathroom door. Or a pantry full of food. Or how a raccoon  would behave if you tried to get it to sit on your lap for an hour and fifteen minutes of sacrament meeting - would it sit still and be satisfied with one tiny piece of bread and a tiny cup of water? I wonder? I'm not even going to go into the garbage situation, but it involves apple cores and used tissues and everything else that so gloriously resides in the garbage/Jake's mouth. Just use your imagination, and you can envision what my life is currently like. The poor kid has pneumonia right now and is one sad little camper. It's kind of nice to have him want to cuddle up to me. I know it won't last for long, so I am soaking it in, even though I hope he feels better soon. 

As for me, I'm just try to keep up and enjoy the moments as they come. Sometimes having a house full of little kids is so overwhelming. I find myself wishing for quiet afternoons and time alone, but I know that day will come and I will wish for these days back. We are in the middle of our first (and possibly last) "TV-Free Week" and it has been an adventure. I'm so against kids constantly watching TV and playing video games, but I find myself justifying it way too often just so I can get something done. I finally decided that enough was enough and I needed to see what I could actually accomplish without the helpful drone of the TV to occupy the kids. The answer is, not much! But that's okay. What matters in the eternal scheme of things is the time I spend with my kids, not how clean my kitchen is or how quickly I can finish 800 loads of laundry. I love these little people with all my heart and I hope I can make the most of the time I have to love them and teach them and just partake of the joy that is at my fingertips every single day. Also, having an emergency bag of chocolate chips in the pantry works wonders.

Cabo 2012

Jason surprised me with a trip to Mexico for Valentine's Day! We met my sister Teresa and her husband James in Cabo San Lucas last week and had such a fun trip. I wish I could live it all over again! We had a great time snorkeling, hanging out at the beach, fishing from shore, deep-sea fishing, eating lots of good food, seeing amazing creatures like whales, dolphins and rays, living through many near-death experiences in the rental car and just being together. I wish we could go back! Like, right now.

Cabo 2012!

This is on Lover's Beach. How romantic!

My beautiful sister Teresa and her husband James. They are the cutest!

I miss this! I never get to see my leetle seester these days. It was so great to have a few days together.

Believe it or not, Jason's first love is fishing, not hunting. He couldn't resist buying a fishing pole at Mexican Wal Mart and fishing from shore every chance he got. The beaches were so beautiful! He even caught a few strange fish.

Like this one, for example. It looked fairly normal, until you got up close...

And it had human teeth! It looked like Mater from the movie Cars. Freaky! Jason was afraid he might lose a finger trying to get the hook out, but he finally got the job done. I was too grossed out to go near it.

We decided to go out on a limb and eat at an authentic taco stand. It was good! And, as far as I know, we all survived.

At the airport on the way home!!! Sniff, sniff. It was such a fun trip. The perfect combination of adventure and relaxation. 

Til next time!

My soap trick

Foaming soap is pretty much one of the best things in life, wouldn't you agree? It's soft and luscious, lasts a long time, and doesn't make a gigantic, gooey mess when small children decide to be slightly independent and wash their hands all by themselves with traditional hand soap. We don't want to discourage them by telling them they are doing it wrong, making a huge mess for mom to clean up later, and make them feel incompetent/less likely to fight germs in the future. So, we bring foaming soap into our homes and the battle is won. Or is it? I would venture that it is only partly won, because there is more to win. I'm talking financially here. Did you know you can use your overpriced foaming soap bottles from Bath and Bodyworks for pretty much the rest of your life? Yes, even at 6 for $20, it is a huge rip for a dang bottle of soap. But use my little soap trick, and they can be a great investment. Work with me here.

First, you have your empty foaming bottle. Buy some cheap, generic hand soap. $3 or $4 will buy you a few YEARS of soap. I'm not kidding.

Most of the bottles in my house are Pink Grapefruit. I've been refilling them with cheap soap for years, and I have never had anyone say, "Hey, this doesn't smell like Pink Grapefruit! This smells more like generic Wal-Mart anti-bacterial hand soap! What is UP with that?" I hate to break it to you, but scented soap is a scam. You only smell what you think you are smelling.

 

Next, just fill your bottle about 1/4 of the way with soap, or even less. This picture actually shows more soap than you really need. I poured too much, then didn't feel like pouring it back into the other bottle. So I went with it. Bring on the foam. Go easy, though, if you get too much "regular" soap the end result is slimy. 

Slowly add water to about 2/3 of the way to the top. You need to leave a little breathing room. It helps to tilt the bottle and pour the water in at an angle, hitting the side of the bottle fist so it doesn't go directly into the soap and create premature bubbles. Put the lid back on, shake it all up, and you are good to go! A brand new bottle of foaming hand soap, for pennies.

It also works with foaming dish soap, which I love. A little bit goes such a long way. Plus, I bought this bottle of Sun for 89 cents and it has 56% more free! I will probably still be using it when my kids leave home. The back of the extremely overpriced bottle of foaming Dawn reads "Refill ONLY with Dawn Direct Foam. Traditional dish liquids will not work or foam." This is true. They won't... UNLESS you only use a little bit of dish soap and add lots of water. Boo ya! I hate to have to say boo ya on a post about soap, but I need emphasis here.  I just get excited when I get a chance to stick it to the man, or Proctor & Gamble, or anyone really. It makes me feel like I have arrived.

And here's a shout out to my two little helpers. Jake is sad because he got shots earlier in the week and his only consolation seems to be following me around and attempting to hang on my leg every waking hour. Bless him. And bless me, with patience.

Abby seems to be saying, "Thanks for refilling the foaming hand soap so economically, Mom, so you can afford to buy me a huge overpriced box of Goldfish for Jake to spill all over the family room!" You're welcome, Abby. You're welcome.

This is why I love Book Club...

 Of course we are all there because we love to read, right? No, I don't think so. I think book clubs exist to give us moms an excuse to get together, chat and eat yummy treats. That's why I go, anyway! Once or twice a year I get to host book club, which means... I get to try out some yummy recipes. Last night was no exception. I love to spend the day in the kitchen, preparing for my friends to come over and hang out for a little while after the kids go to bed (or are at least banished to their rooms!).

These are Heavenly Filled Strawberries from my mother-in-law's cute blog. They are zero Weight Watchers points, if you're counting. Nothing else clocked in at the zero mark, by the way! I figured we could start with something healthy and go downhill from there.

Next was Cinnamon Cookie Crunch Popcorn from Our Best Bites. They had me at "kind of like a chocolate covered cinnamon bear". I have yet to make something from those OBB girls that disappoints. Wow, they are amazing!

There is even a template for a little print out to attach to the bag of popcorn! How convenient. Thank you, Sara and Kate.

The main dish was this White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake from Meili's Home Baked Goodness. Just a warning, don't go to that blog and expect to not come away hungry! I think I want to make every single recipe. 

And oh yeah, I guess the book was pretty good, too. We read first book in The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series by Andrew McCall Smith. I love these books. There are twelve, I think, with another one on the way in April. They are such a fun read and remind me of the semester I spent in South Africa right before I graduated from BYU. Such good memories. It was a fun night! Thanks, girls!!