Monday, March 11, 2013

A few things Jason probably doesn't want you to know

If you know my husband at all, you probably think of him as kind of a man's man. A big, tough hunter, a motivated businessman, a talented athlete.Yes, he is all of these things. But there is more to him than meets the eye, my friend. Let me introduce you to the softer side of Sears, or Jason, as the case may be.

Inside the rough and tough exterior and all the talk about shooting things and who could take who in a game of one-on-one is kind of, well, I was going to say a teenage girl, but that's not really accurate. More of someone a teenage girl could relate to. Which is great, because I'm kind of a teenage girl at heart myself.

Let's start with Jason's secret love of the Bachelor. He will argue with this and say, "Whatever, you made me watch this season with you!" This is true. I decided that this year we should watch it together. Instead of him watching it late at night and waking me up every time someone's old boyfriend showed up on the set, or the most decent girl got sent home. I've watched a few seasons over the years, but I've never watched the Bachelorette, which has been viewed for many seasons in our home but not by me. So he also loves the Bachelorette, in addition of course to the 433 hunting shows that are queued up on our DVR, so it all balances out his manliness in the end.

Watching the Bachelor this year with Jason has been one of the best decisions of my life. Not only do we laugh for a solid half hour after the show, in addition to the joy of critiquing every moment of the actual episode (which is usually 2 hours), I also have the opportunity to laugh at Jason the entire time and his in-depth knowledge of the show. After protesting watching the first episode with me, it only took about ten minutes into it until he was saying things like, "Are you kidding me, he is giving out the First Impression Rose already? What a joke! Come on, Sean!" As one who has never even heard of a First Impression Rose, I was very impressed, and I also died laughing. I especially love it when he tells me the rules of the game, like I am a huge idiot because who doesn't know that whichever girl doesn't get a rose on a 2-on-1 date is automatically sent home, and things like that (I don't know if that is an actual rule, I can't keep them straight, you'll have to ask Jason).

Anyway, watching the Bachelor with Jason has been one of the finer experiences in my life. I do realize that's not saying a lot. In any case, I am anticipating tonight's final episode, but also dreading it because then we have to wait until what, the fall, to watch Des fail to find love as the Bachelorette (because you know the Bachelorette is going to be Des). Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to watching it with Jason.

Poor Des with the crazy brother. She was so close to finding true love with an amazing man.
Another teenage-girlish thing I love about Jason is that he is full of surprises, even when he is predictable. Every single night on his way home from work, he calls to update me on his life and everything that happened at work that day (predictable). I am usually busy in the kitchen, bustling away to get dinner prepared, so I put the phone on my shoulder and give him the opportunity to vent for his fifteen-minute drive home by inserting the appropriate "uh-huh, so true, you're absolutely right, what a jerk, etc." that he needs to hear to soothe his soul and satisfy his need to be understood before he walks in the door.

Well, the other night I was uh-huh-ing away, listening to how rates are bad, and title companies are idiots, and every person in the world is terrible, and then all of a sudden he was saying, "And then there's this horse! Every single day all he does is just stand there on the corner and look at me and wish to be with the other horses! I'm so sick of it. Why does he have to be all alone when there are a bunch of other horses right across the street that he could be with instead of cooped up all by himself all the time? I've had it. I'm just going to set him free!"

It took me a minute to realize that he was talking about the horse on the corner as you enter our neighborhood, who, yes, is all by himself, stands in the same place every day, and is without a doubt sad and lonely, but I don't think that gives Jason the right to turn him loose when he is only 10 yards from the highway. I tried to convince Jason of this, hoping he wasn't getting out of his truck at the time and messing with the fence. Hunters can be so unpredictable.

See how sad he is?
Fortunately, I heard the garage door going up in the middle of my argument, so I knew Jason hadn't taken any drastic measures. Yet. He still talks about that dang horse every time we drive by! The kids report to him every time they see the horse eating at the opposite end of his pasture because Jason doesn't believe the horse ever moves, and that justice needs to be done. I have to hear about it every time we leave the neighborhood, and every time he is on the phone with me and drives by the unfortunate animal.

Just yesterday we passed The Horse as we were driving up to my in-laws' and Jason talked about it for exactly half the trip. Words like "the poor thing!" and "it's not right!" were repeated over and over. I'm about ready to set the horse free myself, but I know the owners and I love them with all my heart so I can't do that to them. But I really wish they would get a friend for that horse.

I guess what I'm saying is, when you get married, there's really no way to know what you're getting into. Fortunately for me, I got a lot more than I bargained for in a good way. Yes, there is a lot more blood and fur than I anticipated, but there are also a lot more surprises and laughs than I could have imagined. Also, you better hurry and read this because Jason will probably make me take it down the first time someone at church says, "So, Jason, how's the Bachelor?" Work with me, people, and don't say anything. Just laugh as he walks by.