Meet Alivia

Well, hello friends, it's been a while. I would like to introduce you to the reason I have been a little behind on the old blog. My sweet daughter Alivia Anne was born June 3, 2013. She was born four weeks early because of complications with placenta previa and acreta, but everything went well and she is a healthy beautiful baby.

Alivia was 6 lbs. 12 oz. at birth. I don't think anyone bothered to measure her length. If they did, they didn't tell me about it. I had to deliver in the operating room, in a different hospital, with different doctors and all these big teams of specialists. They had to put me out, and when I came to, nobody cared... it was not the glamour-shot delivery I'm used to having. But apparently, the important thing is a healthy baby. So I am grateful for modern medicine and the fact that Alivia and I are both here to tell the story!

My little family was beyond excited to meet their new sister. I was so happy because the older boys immediately fell in love with her. When they found out I was having a girl they were not impressed but I was confident once she was actually here they would change their minds. And of course I was right.

How could you not love this little weasel?

Luke was especially taken with her. He was so in awe of how tiny and perfect she was. He was kind of a baby hog in the beginning. And he still loves her, but he is more willing to share now.

I had to stay in the hospital for five days. That is a long time when there are four kids at home who need their mama! Jason stayed in the hospital with me most nights and it was fun to have the time with just the three of us.

This is the reason everything was able to go so smoothly. My lovely mama stayed with us for two weeks! She took care of everything while I was in the hospital, and then stuck around to take care of all of us once I got home. This is after she had just spent several weeks taking care of my Aunt Wilma and had not been home in so long! I will always be grateful for her sacrifice and willingness to do whatever was needed. There is nothing like being taken care of by your own mother. I love her so much.

Livi was so tiny and sweet those first few weeks. I love that time with a newborn. There is nothing quite like it in all the world.

Ohhhhhh.... there are no words. 

It was kind of a lame summer for the kids with me recovering from a c-section and trying to adapt to life with five. We did a lot of fishing and we even went to temple square on the fourth of July. I feel bad that we didn't have our usual fun summer of swimming and camping and Yellowstone, but we did alright. 

Alivia was blessed on August 4. It was a very special day. I was really nervous to have #5 and it has been bittersweet because I know she is my last baby, and I'm trying to absorb every minute of it. In some ways I'm looking forward to kids getting older and more independent, but as my older kids grow I'm realizing that the joy of little kids is just the pure, unconditional love they give. It is always there, and even though it is time-consuming and sleep-depriving, there is nothing like a newborn. I adore this little girl and I can feel how special she is every time I look in her eyes and hold her close. It is humbling to be responsible for this little family of mine but I love them more than I ever thought it would be possible to love anything. 

Add in one amazing husband that loves us all just as much as we love him, and life just couldn't be any better.

A tribute to one of the greatest mothers I have ever known.

I wrote the post below on Mother's Day but couldn't bring myself to publish it all week. My Aunt Wilma passed away today, May 18, 2013 and I am filled with so many emotions. Sorrow that she is gone. Relief that she is free from suffering. Gratitude that I will see her again someday. She was such a special lady. I love her so much. She will be so missed.

Wilma with baby Abby, October 2007.

May 12, 2013 - Mother's Day
This is my Aunt Wilma. Today is a very bittersweet Mother's Day for me because yesterday I said good bye to her for the last time. Less than one month ago she was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was unbelievable because she is a marathon runner and has never smoked in her life. She was in great health, but the cancer progressed so quickly. Two days ago the doctors told her there was nothing else they could do and she was free to go home to spend her final days. She is my mother's sister, and our entire family is heartbroken. She has always been the center of the Crane family and a mother to all of us, even though she never had children of her own.

I visited her in the hospital just three weeks ago and she seemed completely fine to me. I was nervous going in, hoping it was a good time to visit, and it was perfect. I felt so good being there with her. I spent an hour talking to her and laughing and being reassured that this was just a bump in the road and she was going to be fine. I just knew everything was going to be okay.

But now it seems that "okay" is different than what I had envisioned. After visiting her yesterday, I know it's okay for her to go now. The change in her in this short amount of time is huge. It's like she's aged 20 years in just a few weeks. It's a blessing she won't have to suffer much longer. She still knew me and greeted me with open arms. "Oh, Anne Marie, Anne Marie!" Just the way she says my name is so loving. I must have hugged her ten times. It was so hard to walk away.

I have a little secret I'm not sure my other Crane cousins should know. It's that I think I'm her favorite. The thing is, they each think they are her favorite, too. Wilma has this way of loving so completely that you never doubt you have a special place in her heart. All nine of her siblings had many children of their own, and now all of us cousins are cranking out the grand kids like you wouldn't believe. She knows us all. Our spouses, our kids, what we are up to. It's nothing short of amazing. She has turned our lives into her life. I just can't imagine life without her.

I've never had the experience of talking to someone who knows they won't live much longer. Like always, she has a great attitude and acknowledges that this isn't the way she hoped things would go, but it's going to be okay.

May 11, 2013

I think one of things that makes Aunt Wilma unique is her genuine interest in others. I have always felt like she loves me and cares about what is going on in my life. When I was in college I spent some time in Europe with a room mate. When I returned, I spent the night at Aunt Wilma's in Salt Lake City before driving home to Idaho the next day. I had a boatload of pictures and I was so excited to share everything I had experienced. I remember Aunt Wilma sitting down with me and going through every single picture, asking questions and listening to my stories and wanting to hear every last detail. I loved sharing my experiences with her and I was just busting to go home and go through it all again with my parents. My parents, however, were like most people and hearing about someone else's trip for hours didn't exactly rank high on the radar. I don't think they ever even looked at my pictures. It has always meant a lot to me that Aunt Wilma did that for me, and even pretended like she liked it (and maybe she did!).

I lived with Aunt Wilma for about a month after I graduated from college. I was taking some computer classes in Salt Lake and my dad didn't want me driving too far each day, so I moved on in with Wilma. It was such a fun time. I'll never forget how each morning she would set out a glass of ice water with a straw for me, along with a cereal bowl and spoon. She had to leave earlier than I did and I loved coming upstairs to a little breakfast table set just for me. She would make dinner for me each night and listen to me talk about my day. After several years of being on my own, it felt so good to have someone take care of me. I will always cherish those days.

Each year my mom's family has a reunion in the hills above Bennington, Idaho, where my Grandpa Crane herded sheep. Aunt Wilma made stick horses for all the great-grandkids and would take them on a tour of the area and tell them lots of stories about our family history. It was one of the things my kids looked the most forward to each year. I hope we can keep the tradition going, but it won't be the same without Wilma. When I explained to five-year-old Abby that Wilma is sick and is not going to live much longer Abby asked, "But then who is going to lead the reunion?"

I guess the thing I am most grateful for about Wilma is her Christ-like example. Her testimony of the gospel never wavered and she truly loved others as Christ did. I never felt anything but love and acceptance from her. Her positive attitude and love for life touched everyone she met. I will always be grateful that I had the opportunity to know her in this life, and especially that I got to sit down with her one last time and tell her I love her and thank her for her influence. How grateful I am for the knowledge that families are forever and I will see her again. I love you, Aunt Wilma!

36 Things About Me

So last week was my birthday. I used to hate birthdays. All through my twenties, I thought it was just terrible that I was growing old. But now that I'm in my thirties, I say, bring it on. I can't wait to get old. Like, old old. I hope I live to be 100. You can get away with anything when you're 100. And no expectations. Congratulations for being alive. That's all you get, every day. I wish someone would congratulate me for being alive every day at 36. Also, it doesn't bother me if you know I am 36. The only thing that would be better is if I were 63. Can't wait for that day.

Anyway, in the spirit of who-really-cares-anyway, here are 36 things you might or might not know about me. I know, these lists went out of style in 2007. But I'm bringing 'em back, baby! Who really cares anyway?

1. Well, I guess I just said this, but I'm excited to get old.
2. Cause when you're old, anything goes.
3. I'm hoping for a catheter.
4. I'm the only person I know (besides a few of my sisters), who wants a catheter.
5. One of my favorite things about being in the hospital having a baby is that I get to have a catheter. When the nurse comes to take it out afterward, I'm always like, "No, I'm good. Check back in a while." I try to put them off until the nurses change shifts and forget about it. I've gone a solid 24 hours without having to get up to use the bathroom in the hospital before.
6. What could be better than never having to get up from your bed to use the bathroom?
7. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't want a catheter. Makes no sense.
8. My mom is going to be really embarrassed that I am writing about catheters on my blog.
9. Switching topics, I really love to play the piano.
10. My goal is to learn to play the organ and play in sacrament meeting by the time I'm 40 (that will redeem me in my mom's eyes).
11. It terrifies me to play in front of people and I think that's why I want to do it so badly. I have to conquer this fear.
12. I've been playing the piano in Primary for over a year now, and it is my favorite calling ever.
13. I'm still not good at it, and I consider it a success if I can make it through the Hello song, which we sing every week, without too many mistakes.
14. I'm really scared to have five kids.
15. I keep telling myself if I can get through this next year with a new baby, I can do anything.
16. I love newborns. I don't care about the sleepless nights or looking like death. Newborns are so precious to me.
17. The age I struggle with most is the "newly mobile" stage, around seven to fifteen months. Please, for the love of humanity, just sit there for a few minutes and stop putting crap in your mouth.
18. Although I'm sad my kids are getting older, I love going through all the new phases of life with them.
19. I beg my kids to tell me who they have crushes on, because I remember all my grade school crushes, from kindergarten through jr. high. Every year I had at least one true love. I don't think a single one of them ever liked me back. Good thing, because I'm pretty sure half of them are in prison now. I guess I shouldn't say that, because maybe I could have done them some good in their lives. But most likely, I would just be in prison with them by now, had we ended up together.
20. I love and support my husband in everything he does, even if I don't like it (I'm looking at you, hunting).
21. But I'm glad my husband and boys have something that keeps them close and gives them something to do together.
22. I think one of my greatest talents is making fun of hunting. It is probably the thing that comes the easiest to me of everything I do.
23. For one thing, there is a never-ending source of material.
24. For another thing, it makes NO sense.
25. It's not like I'm against it, really, I just don't understand it. I'm trying though... You want to kill an animal, why? Okay. Why not.
26. I really admire my husband's drive and motivation for hunting. He does not give up on his goals. While his aspiration in life is to slay all 20-something species of big game animals with a bow, mine is simply to not have to get out of bed at night to use the bathroom. He will probably be successful. I won't. I really need to be more like him.
27. I'm a pretty reserved person and I don't speak up as much as I should. Probably because I'm usually thinking about things like the ones on this list, and I know people will think I'm weird if I spout them off.
28. Stuff stresses me out. I have an overwhelming urge to throw away everything in my house on a daily basis.
29. I used to think I loved to organize. Now I realize the less stuff I have, the less I need to organize. It's easier to keep track of 2 things than 227 things. Duh!
30. Yes, this does mean I need things I threw away last week.
31. I don't care. I'm still happier without it.
32. Of all the clean things I love, clean kids are my favorite. I love just-out-of-the-bath, squeaky clean kids. Even if it doesn't last very long.
33. I think almost every bad mood can be cured by a good bath.
34. I've always dreamed of driving an El Camino. Possibly living in one.

 

35. See how useful they are? Now I'm going to be thinking about El Caminos all day.
36. Being old is going to be awesome. In the 2070s I'm totally going to be driving my El Camino around with all my grandkids in the back and telling them how I was born in the 1970s. I might even go as far as putting a camper shell on the back. Oh yeah, and don't forget the catheter. I'll never even have to pull over.

A few things Jason probably doesn't want you to know

If you know my husband at all, you probably think of him as kind of a man's man. A big, tough hunter, a motivated businessman, a talented athlete.Yes, he is all of these things. But there is more to him than meets the eye, my friend. Let me introduce you to the softer side of Sears, or Jason, as the case may be.

Inside the rough and tough exterior and all the talk about shooting things and who could take who in a game of one-on-one is kind of, well, I was going to say a teenage girl, but that's not really accurate. More of someone a teenage girl could relate to. Which is great, because I'm kind of a teenage girl at heart myself.

Let's start with Jason's secret love of the Bachelor. He will argue with this and say, "Whatever, you made me watch this season with you!" This is true. I decided that this year we should watch it together. Instead of him watching it late at night and waking me up every time someone's old boyfriend showed up on the set, or the most decent girl got sent home. I've watched a few seasons over the years, but I've never watched the Bachelorette, which has been viewed for many seasons in our home but not by me. So he also loves the Bachelorette, in addition of course to the 433 hunting shows that are queued up on our DVR, so it all balances out his manliness in the end.

Watching the Bachelor this year with Jason has been one of the best decisions of my life. Not only do we laugh for a solid half hour after the show, in addition to the joy of critiquing every moment of the actual episode (which is usually 2 hours), I also have the opportunity to laugh at Jason the entire time and his in-depth knowledge of the show. After protesting watching the first episode with me, it only took about ten minutes into it until he was saying things like, "Are you kidding me, he is giving out the First Impression Rose already? What a joke! Come on, Sean!" As one who has never even heard of a First Impression Rose, I was very impressed, and I also died laughing. I especially love it when he tells me the rules of the game, like I am a huge idiot because who doesn't know that whichever girl doesn't get a rose on a 2-on-1 date is automatically sent home, and things like that (I don't know if that is an actual rule, I can't keep them straight, you'll have to ask Jason).

Anyway, watching the Bachelor with Jason has been one of the finer experiences in my life. I do realize that's not saying a lot. In any case, I am anticipating tonight's final episode, but also dreading it because then we have to wait until what, the fall, to watch Des fail to find love as the Bachelorette (because you know the Bachelorette is going to be Des). Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to watching it with Jason.

Poor Des with the crazy brother. She was so close to finding true love with an amazing man.

Another teenage-girlish thing I love about Jason is that he is full of surprises, even when he is predictable. Every single night on his way home from work, he calls to update me on his life and everything that happened at work that day (predictable). I am usually busy in the kitchen, bustling away to get dinner prepared, so I put the phone on my shoulder and give him the opportunity to vent for his fifteen-minute drive home by inserting the appropriate "uh-huh, so true, you're absolutely right, what a jerk, etc." that he needs to hear to soothe his soul and satisfy his need to be understood before he walks in the door.

Well, the other night I was uh-huh-ing away, listening to how rates are bad, and title companies are idiots, and every person in the world is terrible, and then all of a sudden he was saying, "And then there's this horse! Every single day all he does is just stand there on the corner and look at me and wish to be with the other horses! I'm so sick of it. Why does he have to be all alone when there are a bunch of other horses right across the street that he could be with instead of cooped up all by himself all the time? I've had it. I'm just going to set him free!"

It took me a minute to realize that he was talking about the horse on the corner as you enter our neighborhood, who, yes, is all by himself, stands in the same place every day, and is without a doubt sad and lonely, but I don't think that gives Jason the right to turn him loose when he is only 10 yards from the highway. I tried to convince Jason of this, hoping he wasn't getting out of his truck at the time and messing with the fence. Hunters can be so unpredictable.

See how sad he is?

Fortunately, I heard the garage door going up in the middle of my argument, so I knew Jason hadn't taken any drastic measures. Yet. He still talks about that dang horse every time we drive by! The kids report to him every time they see the horse eating at the opposite end of his pasture because Jason doesn't believe the horse ever moves, and that justice needs to be done. I have to hear about it every time we leave the neighborhood, and every time he is on the phone with me and drives by the unfortunate animal.

Just yesterday we passed The Horse as we were driving up to my in-laws' and Jason talked about it for exactly half the trip. Words like "the poor thing!" and "it's not right!" were repeated over and over. I'm about ready to set the horse free myself, but I know the owners and I love them with all my heart so I can't do that to them. But I really wish they would get a friend for that horse.

I guess what I'm saying is, when you get married, there's really no way to know what you're getting into. Fortunately for me, I got a lot more than I bargained for in a good way. Yes, there is a lot more blood and fur than I anticipated, but there are also a lot more surprises and laughs than I could have imagined. Also, you better hurry and read this because Jason will probably make me take it down the first time someone at church says, "So, Jason, how's the Bachelor?" Work with me, people, and don't say anything. Just laugh as he walks by.

An Announcement and Dallin's Tenth Birthday

Well, I realize I've been missing from the blogging world for a while now. I have a good excuse. I'd like to take this opportunity to announce the impending arrival of our fifth child, and the cause of my retreat into the dark abyss of winter and anti-social behavior. I am so excited to have a new little nipper in the family, and also excited to finally be getting over the curse of morning sickness. My family is also very excited about that. Yay, mom is cooking again! Mom is moving again! It's a Christmas miracle. I promised myself this pregnancy would be better and I wouldn't let myself succumb to out-of-control hormones, but alas, I was lying to myself. What can I say, the first part of pregnancy is hard for me, but now it is over and I am ready to embrace life once again. The new little one will arrive at the end of June. We can't wait!!

It's crazy to think about a new little baby, because it seems like about ten minutes ago that my oldest, Dallin, was handed to me in the hospital. But that was ten years ago. TEN. Yesterday was Dallin's tenth birthday. I still can't believe it. He is such a great kid and he makes me proud every single day. Being a parent is tricky business, and I am far from perfect. I'm grateful to Dallin for being such a good sport as I fumble my way through day by day, using him as the guinea pig for just about everything. Being the oldest is hard work, but he does a great job of being a good example, and also being my favorite buddy. It's rewarding in a totally different way than having a newborn. I love that he gets my jokes now. I love his sense of humor. I love his passion and enthusiasm for every thing he does. He is motivated beyond belief and I rarely have to remind him to do homework. He is a great athlete and has a confidence I envy. Watching him play sports is incredibly stressful to me because I think, "If that were me out there, I would be dying under all that pressure!" But luckily he takes after his dad and has the ability to just go for it. Wow, he didn't get that from me!

The birthday boy after his Jr. Jazz game.

The kids had so much fun playing football on the turf at XSI Factory at Dallin's friend party Friday night.

Luke played with them, but tended to get a little upset when things didn't go his way.

Jason was the "coach" and I think he had more fun than the boys.

What good boys. A little wild and crazy maybe, but good kids.

Dallin begged for a Chicago Bears cake, so of course I delivered. Here I am thinking, "Dallin, you better not make lemur eyes at the camera," while Dallin makes lemur eyes at the camera. Makes me so mad!

Then he had to be a lemur for his "ten" shot, too. Ohhhh, I'm going to whip him. I didn't spend all that time figuring out how to make a Chicago Bears cake so he can look psychotic for posterity.

Here we are, all looking a little psychotic in one way or another. Dallin is being decidedly anti-lemurish so we're just going to have to go for it. Another great birthday, another year gone by. I'm so grateful for this little family. I couldn't ask for anything more. Maybe a nap once in a while, but that's it. That's the only improvement I can think of right now.

Dallin's Perfect Day

 Kids are simple creatures. You can plan and save and make huge sacrifices so they will have fun and make memories, and all they do is complain. Then you have a normal, hectic Saturday going from one thing to another, and you feel like you are about to go crazy, yet at the end of the day, your nine-year-old tells you it was the best day he's ever had. That's what happened yesterday. 

It started out with the boys' last flag football games of the season. Luke's game was first. His siblings were supportive, though slightly unenthusiastic.

Luke's friend Cooper's dad was the coach this year. They had such a fun year. Luke is a bit of a giant compared to the other boys, but that's okay. One of these years his effort is going to match his size and he is going to dominate, I'm sure of it. This year he tried hard... on games when he knew he would get $$ for each flag he pulled. The other games were a little more... relaxed.

Here he is kicking off. Just pretend the ball is way up there.

Don't get me wrong, I love to watch my kids play sports. The problem is, I don't get to watch very much. I end up chasing the devil himself around for a few hours.

Don't let his innocent appearance deceive you. He never holds this still. 

He likes to follow around every animal within a five mile radius.

And we also spend a lot of time dragging him off the playing field. Sigh. Good times.

Then it was on to Dallin's game.

He had a great game and loved every second. He requested that I call this play, "The Touchdown Throw" because he threw this for a touchdown. So here's The Touchdown Throw. Pretty proud of that old boy.

Jason was hunting during the games, so that afternoon he decided to take the kids fishing to make it up to them. Boy, did that ever work. If there's anything Dallin loves as much as sports, it's fishing. Here is Dallin displaying a beautiful little blue gill. They were pulling them in on almost every cast.

Jason let each kid reel in numerous fish. Numerous times. They were in heaven.

Luke found a bird.

Unfortunately, it was deceased at the time. If you know anything about Luke's soft heart, and his love for birds, you can imagine his sorrow. He spent a lot of time trying to dig a little grave for it in the rock hard ground.

Isn't this a pretty spot?

You'd never know we were about 10 yards from a highway. It's a private place, but don't worry, we had permission. Jason knows a guy. A guy whose dad is rumored to own it. Jason swears the guy's dad won't prosecute.

Because I mean, I'm sure we were welcome there. Those keep out messages were just meant for other people. Other people who don't know the son of the guy who probably owns the place.

Jake had to be dragged out, but at least he had a smile on his face. Note to self: Jason's thumb is in a can of worms. Then he drove using keys that touched that thumb. Now those keys are sitting on my kitchen counter, about three feet away from me right this second. I will be disinfecting right after we are through here.

Well, that was a pretty exhausting day, for me anyway. Jason took us out to dinner, and we let Dallin choose the place.

He decided to channel his inner senior citizen and we ended up at Sizzler. Don't get me wrong, Sizzler is great. Just not on a Saturday night when every Mormon in Utah County has the same family-friendly idea. I was sitting at the table, shoveling food in five different directions, when Dallin turned to me and said, "Mom, this was the best day ever. Fishing, football and Sizzler." Then he gave me one of those smiles that let me know that despite everything else, it was all worth it. Non-washed fish hands and all.

Abby is Five!

 My sweet little Abby turned five on September 28. I don't know how it happened, because wasn't she just born yesterday? I kind of fought her birthday in my heart because I loved her so much as a four-year-old that I just couldn't handle the thought of her changing into a five-year-old. The good news is that not much has changed except for the amount of toys in her bedroom.  She is just as sweet at five and two days as she was at four. Whew!

The day before her birthday she got to celebrate at preschool. The kids sang happy birthday to her while she had the honor of being the ONLY one jumping on the trampoline. She was thrilled.

I brought ice cream sandwiches for her treat and the kids made a cute little star while they ate.

On Friday I went against everything I stand for and actually had a friend party for her. The boys usually have parties, but that's because Jason does them. I don't know why I shut down mentally and physically at the thought of planning and executing a birthday party for five-year-olds, but I do. However, I bit the bullet and planned a Dora party and Abby was in heaven. Mission accomplished.

I took the kids on a little Dora adventure to find Boots, who got lost on his way to the party. I made a map and everything. I was so impressed with myself. Then Abby opened her presents. Luke was a lot of help for someone who hates Dora and all things girl.

Here is a fuzzy picture of the whole adorable group. I don't know why half my pictures are turning out fuzzy lately. Maybe I'm looking through the sight hole with the wrong eye. I can never remember which eye is my good one. Anyway, aren't they cute?

The kids decorated cupcakes and had a great time covering themselves with frosting and candy. Sounds good to me! 

Jake made himself useful after the party and pushed crumbs around for a while with the broom. I was very proud of him for trying to help out. I was even tempted to forgive him for figuring out how to climb out of his crib.

I always try to take a family picture on my kids' birthdays. The pictures never turn out very well, but this is us in all our glory, on September 28, 2012. Although sometimes the days are long and it seems like I might never get a full night of sleep, this precious little family is growing up on me. The kids get a little bigger each time a birthday passes, we all get a little older and our adventures never seem to run out. There is a lump in my heart when I think of Abby not being a little girl anymore, but I love the person she is turning into. She seriously is the sweetest little friend I could ever ask for. I love my boys, but I'm so glad I got my girl! Happy Birthday, Abby, my little sweet sweet.